Dear Mom, On Your First Birthday in Heaven

Mom's Happy Birthday,WHEE!

Mom's birthday at her last Fields family reunion 2011
I love it because it shows Mom's true zest for life!
She loved having family reunion on her birthday. 



7/31/2013

Dear Mom,

Today you will be celebrating your first birthday in heaven.  I wonder if birthdays are celebrated there, but if they are, I bet it will be one amazing party and huge cake. 

It was almost one year ago you made the journey from here to heaven.  You had so many questions in your final days about what that would be like.  I wish I could talk to you and hear you describe what it was like when those “Pearly Gates” opened for you.  But, I imagine.  I imagine the joy and celebration when you first saw your precious Jesus face to face.  I imagine the reunion you had with your parents after all these years.  And I imagine you sitting and kneeling and rising without pain.  When I think about how wonderful it must be for you, I can’t justify wishing you back here.   

But, I do.  I miss you so much.  I have a phone message from you saved on my phone just so I can hear your voice.  I cry often when I think of all that we’re missing without you here.  Sometimes it is hard to breathe because I miss you so much. 

It is hard to believe it has already been a year.  A part of me wants to slow time so there are fewer days and memories without you here.  Then, another part of me wants time to move quickly until the day we are reunited again. 

Speaking of reunions, tomorrow we leave to drive to Oregon for the Fields family reunion.  Dad, Tim, and our family will all be there.  It was one of your favorite things and I know it is going to be so hard not having you there.  But, I know you’d want us to be there passing on our heritage of faith to the next generation.  And being with family is always a blessing, but this year is going to be a hard one for me. 

One of your greatest concerns when you were diagnosed with cancer was whether we would be okay.  Even at the very end of your life I remember you asking how we would get along after you were gone.  You were always worried about us. 

I just have to say, Mom, we are doing okay.  God never promised that we wouldn’t walk through the “valley of the shadow of death,” but He did promise that He would be with us.  And He has.  He has been our strength and the one we lean on.  We have each other, too. 

You’d be so proud of Dad.  Despite the fact that he missed you immensely, He has stayed busy and involved in life and found so many ways to serve the Lord.  In fact, I have a hard time catching him at home sometimes and he is so busy he says, “call me on my cell phone.”  That makes me smile.  He has visited all of us kids, helped with AWANA, attended Bible study, built cabins at Shiloh Bible camp, worked in camp kitchens twice, fenced the property and attended numerous community events.  Of course, the body of Christ at Cambridge Bible Church take good care of him and have him over often.  Oh, and he is going through a lot of your stuff, too, though I suspect that might not make you as happy.  As you knew he would be, he is such a great example of faithfulness, peace and trust despite the circumstances of life. 

Your grandchildren are one of the things that make me miss you most.  They miss out on so much by not having you here.  Oh, but you’d be so proud of them and be bragging and showing all their pictures and videos to as many as you could. 

David is now 15 and just finished his first year of high school.  He did very well academically, but we are especially proud of the decisions he has made and the maturity he has shown.  He is a pretty awesome young man. 

Elizabeth is about to turn 13.   It has been a hard year for her and I as I grieve the loss of my mother and she fights for independence from hers.  But, we are getting through it and it has been a blessing to see all the growth in her this year.  She continues to be amazing with Melody and making meals in our home.  She is a top student, too.   She had a couple music solos at school and I know you would have loved to hear her sing.  She just finished a musical theater production and loved it so much she wants to do more. 

You never got to hear Hannah play the violin, which she has taken by storm and excelled at this year.  I think of your choice of a violin solo for your memorial service and I know you would have loved to hear her play.  Hannah finished 5^th grade this year and continues to excel as a student and she is just like you in her knowledge of trivia, facts and Bible knowledge. 

Joel can’t wait to go to Idaho again.  He loves your house and all the toys you always had for the kids.  It was such a blessing to not have to worry about our kids at your house and know they would have a lot to do.  At 7 he continues to be a bundle of energy and he has taken up golf this year.  I would love to take you to a lesson with me and we could laugh together at his antics.  It is pretty comical.  He was baptized this past year and I only hope you could watch from heaven as I know that would have been such a special day for you.  Thankfully, Dad/Grandpa got to be here for the occasion. 

Melody still thinks you are “sleeping.”  According to her you are not in heaven, but at home sleeping.  Melody makes me miss you the most.  The fact that she will never really remember you breaks my heart.  So, we try and tell her about you.  But, also, with a disability life is not easy.  You need all the people you can in your corner.  I wanted you to be here longer to be in her corner because you were a powerhouse, the kind of person she needs in her corner.  But, also because as I struggle with being a Mom and hurting for my child, I wish I had my Mom to support me. 

I can’t really tell you all that is going on in Tim and Steve’s lives, but I know that they are doing well.  Tim keeps busy with his business and his church involvements.  We look forward to seeing him in Oregon.  Steve’s family got to go to Germany this summer and Georgia  and Steve climbed a 14,000 ft. mountain for her 40^th birthday.  Of course the kids are as cute as ever and would make you so proud.  We’ve enjoyed their pictures and video this year and are making plans for a Coats family reunion next summer. 

Most of all, Mom, I just want to say that though you aren’t here with us anymore, your influence and all you taught us lives on.  There are so many reminders in our home and lives of you and all you taught us.  I am so thankful that you were my mother.  I will be forever blessed by that fact, even in your absence.

Until we meet again in Glory,

Your loving daughter, Sara

 

Keep on Dancing

 

Melody has been working hard for this day. 

 

 

Melody walked and danced around the house for over 2 hours a couple days ago!  It was her first time of going solo.  She's been practicing for awhile, but has been reluctant to walk without one of us holding her.  No more.  She's off to the races.

 

I can't even tell you how happy this makes me!  Independence is a beautiful thing.

Living Simply

This week I took several walks with Melody.  Slow walks.  REALLY slow walks.  We barely made it from the house. But, that is her speed in her braces and equipment.  I know she’ll get faster, but she’ll always move slowly.  We saw every car that went by, every bird, every flower, and every plant.  We listened to the noise our feet made on the sidewalk, rocks and metal drain covers.  We talked and laughed and didn’t accomplish a thing on my to-do list.  How often do I live this simply?  Savor each little moment?  Not often enough.

Yesterday I took a few kids to the park and while we were playing tennis, we noticed a baseball game going on.  It soon brought tears to my eyes when I saw players in wheelchairs and began to notice other players with special needs.  Each one had a helper with them.  Every play was slower, every accomplishment was celebrated, and I never saw anyone called out.  It was slower, simpler.  I never heard or saw a parent screaming at their kid.  I saw a TON of encouragement.  The umpires were cheered and encouraged as they encouraged the players.

Simplicity seems to be a buzz word lately.  We all wonder how we could simplify our lives.  Yet, what are the things that make us slow down?  Savor more.  Rush less?  Often it is when we are FORCED to move slower and savor more.  When a tragedy causes us to consider life more sacredly.

I’m convinced that God made special people with special gifts for just this reason.  To slow us down and help us see life from a different perspective.  Anyone who knows such a special person will tell you how that person has influenced their life and allowed them to see things from a different perspective.

This is one of the many reasons the astronomically high abortion rates of children with birth “defects” horrifies me.  What we have labeled a defect is the exact thing we spend our lives searching for.  We wonder why we can’t live simply, but we have devalued those that do.  Those that can help us learn to enjoy living more slowly, simply. 

Perhaps the ones who are living, REALLY LIVING, are the ones our society has said have lives that aren’t worth living. 

Maybe those who live simply aren't so simple after all.  Maybe the reason God made them isn't so simple after all.  It might just be one of the most complex reasons of all. 

Wiggling Toes

I knew today would come. 

A day I dreaded.  Something I knew would bring tears to my eyes. 

Today Melody realized she was made a little different and there are things she can and cannot do.  No matter how hard she tries.

Today Melody discovered her sister can wiggle her toes, and that she can't. 

It made her mad!  She wants us to help her wiggle those toes. 

And so we will.  We'll wiggle those toes for her as often as we can.

And we'll talk about what she can and cannot do and what WE can and cannot do. 

For, no matter how hard we try, there are just some things we can't do. 

We can focus on what we can't do, or we can focus on what we CAN do. 

And, we can wiggle someone else's toes and bring joy to each of our lives in the process.

So, go find someone whose toes need a little help wiggling, and do it!

6 Months of Silence

Silence

I've often noticed that when there is silence in a friendship, it means someone is hurting.  Something stressful is occurring in their life. 

The same is true in mine.  When things are going well and I'm feeling positive, I call people, reach out, make arrangements to get together, etc.

But, when I'm hurting or struggling with something, the opposite occurs.  I'm silent.  You don't hear from me. 

I've often pondered on the comment, "call me if you need anything."  The reality is, when I need something the most, that is when I will not call.  I cannot call.  That is when a call from a caring friend or friend who does some act of encouragement without needing to ask what you need, mean so much. 

6 months have passed since my Mom went to be with Jesus.  I've thought about blogging over those months, but what do I say?  How do I even begin to put feelings of grief and loss into words?  How do I begin to describe what life feels like without my Mom here? 

Silence isn't necessarily bad, it is a time for us to grieve and process.  A time to think things over.

It is also a reminder, that when we haven't heard from or seen someone, perhaps we should make the extra effort to reach out.  Chances are they need a call, a word of encouragement and a prayer. 

Who has been "silent" in your life lately?  Reach out to them today.  They still may not be able to express all that is going on, but a caring friend reaching through the silence to say, "I care," is always welcome. 

Proverbs 17:17 "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity."

Look How Far We've Come! 9 months in RGO's.

On September 25, 2011, I posted this picture.  This was right after Melody first got her RGO braces.  She still didn't have her walker, yet.

Then on Dec. 11, 2011 I posted this video of Melody walking in her RGO's.  At that time we had a mechanics stool that we used to follow her everywhere and assist her in her walking. 

At that time I wrote these words, "Pray for us on this journey with RGO's.  Pray that Melody will be walking independently with them sometime in the near future."

Nine months later and LOOK what Melody can do.  I just put the stool in the garage as we haven't used it in weeks, if not a couple of months.  Praise God for walking.

Here is Melody walking through our house.  She has gotten so much faster and can turn around.

And here she is going UP and DOWN a ramp.  She loves doing this, especially down because she can go so fast.

Sometimes I have to fight her to get her into her braces, but then I often have to fight her to get her out, too.  Sometimes the road ahead looks so long, but looking back and seeing where we've been certainly helps.

Summer Swim Fun

Life has a way of just moving right along and before you know it, three months have passed since you last blogged.  So much has been going on, but we are mostly just thankful to be finished with another school year and into our summer fun.

Our pool is a great source of fun for us, and all the friends we love to have over.  It is such a blessing to have.  David doesn't care to swim too much, so no photos of him.  However, here are the rest of the kids and I on Mother's Day.

Melody is learning to swim and enjoy the water.  Her enjoyment of it depends entirely on the particular day.  Here she is doing "ballet" in the jacuzzi.  The step is just the right height for her.  Her left leg floats in the water, which I can only guess is due to the lack of muscle tone.  But, it works great for Melody's ballet. 

Enjoy and I hope to upload video of Melody walking soon.  I just watched the video I posted a few months ago, and she's made some amazing progress since then.