As Melody's birth approaches, I feel excitement at meeting her, and yet fear of the unknown. A part of me will be ready to just know what we are facing, but there are times when I wonder if I will then just wish to be pregnant again and ignorant of all we might be facing. But, whether I am truly ready or not, Melody will arrive next week. Here are a few of the things I find myself pondering and/or worrying about.
- When others brag of their child's athletic achievements, I wonder if I will ever see Melody run a base or stand at bat.
- Songs I have sung all my life which talk of the lame and verses of how God made the lame walk, have taken on new meaning. What will it mean to have a daughter who might truly be lame?
- Thoughts of heaven are sweeter. Will that be the first time I see Melody run and jump?
- Our kids were discussing the other day "when Melody crawls" or "when Melody walks." It brings tears to my eyes as I remind them that her walking and/or crawling time table may be very different than other babies.
- Will Melody need a shunt? What will it be like to live life watching for signs of shunt failure?
- Will my daughter be moving her legs when she is born? How will I react if she is not?
- As I watched all of David's school run up onto the stage for a performance, I couldn't help but thinking of Melody. Will she be the one slowly making her way in from the side on crutches or joining the school by wheelchair?
- I'm sure I will weep tears at all of her accomplishments. All the ones I'm not sure now she'll ever make.
-Will she struggle with learning disabilities in addition to physical challenges?
- How will I handle life if it includes catheters and bowel programs for the rest of Melody's life?
These are just a few of the things I think about. I know many of you think I have a wonderful, positive outlook. But, the reality is I am human and I am prone to worry just like anyone else. I know God has it all under control and with His help we'll handle whatever we need to, but it doesn't mean I don't worry, too.
Sara, your honesty is very helpful. I reminds me of my fears before the birth of our children (who have no special needs). And your thoughts about Melody remind me that truly ALL people are precious to God not because of ability or accomplishment, but because He loves us regardless of those things. Thank you friend. Your family is in our prayers.
ReplyDeleteCindi