There is a verse in Psalms that says, "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever."
All the days.
Not just the good ones.
All the days.
The day when you sit in an ultrasound room and the doctors say "spina bifida."
All the days.
The day when you hear your mother has "pancreatic cancer."
All the days.
The day you learn the cancer is "inoperable."
All the days.
The day doctors say "3-4 years with treatment."
All the days.
It is in the midst of these life altering and heart breaking days when I sense the goodness and mercy of the Lord.
My heart still aches, the tears still flow, I still get angry and upset.
Yet, despite it all I feel His goodness and mercy following me even in these days. His peace in the midst of it all.
All the days.
"Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever." Psalm 23:6
My heart goes out to you and your family, Sara. And we keep you in our prayers daily. I have not experienced your challenges with spina bifida. But I lost my mom to thyroid cancer, and I remember how it felt when the reality of her diagnosis hit. In the midst of other stressful changes like buying our first home, I was pregnant with Elly when we fully realized how limited my mom's time was to be. I am so thankful that she lived to see Elly and was able to spend a few months with her in this life. That time was so emotionally difficult and intense, but there was a very simple prayer which became my mantra: "Jesus, I trust in You." In those times that are impossible to bear, we have no choice but to let go, and be held and sustained by God's abiding love and mercy. There are many blessings in this time for you -- I know you understand this paradox. But I still wish it could be easier sometimes... Love to you and yours.
ReplyDeleteYou and your family are in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteLove, Jill Jessup-Caver