Dear Mom, On Your First Birthday in Heaven

Mom's Happy Birthday,WHEE!

Mom's birthday at her last Fields family reunion 2011
I love it because it shows Mom's true zest for life!
She loved having family reunion on her birthday. 



7/31/2013

Dear Mom,

Today you will be celebrating your first birthday in heaven.  I wonder if birthdays are celebrated there, but if they are, I bet it will be one amazing party and huge cake. 

It was almost one year ago you made the journey from here to heaven.  You had so many questions in your final days about what that would be like.  I wish I could talk to you and hear you describe what it was like when those “Pearly Gates” opened for you.  But, I imagine.  I imagine the joy and celebration when you first saw your precious Jesus face to face.  I imagine the reunion you had with your parents after all these years.  And I imagine you sitting and kneeling and rising without pain.  When I think about how wonderful it must be for you, I can’t justify wishing you back here.   

But, I do.  I miss you so much.  I have a phone message from you saved on my phone just so I can hear your voice.  I cry often when I think of all that we’re missing without you here.  Sometimes it is hard to breathe because I miss you so much. 

It is hard to believe it has already been a year.  A part of me wants to slow time so there are fewer days and memories without you here.  Then, another part of me wants time to move quickly until the day we are reunited again. 

Speaking of reunions, tomorrow we leave to drive to Oregon for the Fields family reunion.  Dad, Tim, and our family will all be there.  It was one of your favorite things and I know it is going to be so hard not having you there.  But, I know you’d want us to be there passing on our heritage of faith to the next generation.  And being with family is always a blessing, but this year is going to be a hard one for me. 

One of your greatest concerns when you were diagnosed with cancer was whether we would be okay.  Even at the very end of your life I remember you asking how we would get along after you were gone.  You were always worried about us. 

I just have to say, Mom, we are doing okay.  God never promised that we wouldn’t walk through the “valley of the shadow of death,” but He did promise that He would be with us.  And He has.  He has been our strength and the one we lean on.  We have each other, too. 

You’d be so proud of Dad.  Despite the fact that he missed you immensely, He has stayed busy and involved in life and found so many ways to serve the Lord.  In fact, I have a hard time catching him at home sometimes and he is so busy he says, “call me on my cell phone.”  That makes me smile.  He has visited all of us kids, helped with AWANA, attended Bible study, built cabins at Shiloh Bible camp, worked in camp kitchens twice, fenced the property and attended numerous community events.  Of course, the body of Christ at Cambridge Bible Church take good care of him and have him over often.  Oh, and he is going through a lot of your stuff, too, though I suspect that might not make you as happy.  As you knew he would be, he is such a great example of faithfulness, peace and trust despite the circumstances of life. 

Your grandchildren are one of the things that make me miss you most.  They miss out on so much by not having you here.  Oh, but you’d be so proud of them and be bragging and showing all their pictures and videos to as many as you could. 

David is now 15 and just finished his first year of high school.  He did very well academically, but we are especially proud of the decisions he has made and the maturity he has shown.  He is a pretty awesome young man. 

Elizabeth is about to turn 13.   It has been a hard year for her and I as I grieve the loss of my mother and she fights for independence from hers.  But, we are getting through it and it has been a blessing to see all the growth in her this year.  She continues to be amazing with Melody and making meals in our home.  She is a top student, too.   She had a couple music solos at school and I know you would have loved to hear her sing.  She just finished a musical theater production and loved it so much she wants to do more. 

You never got to hear Hannah play the violin, which she has taken by storm and excelled at this year.  I think of your choice of a violin solo for your memorial service and I know you would have loved to hear her play.  Hannah finished 5^th grade this year and continues to excel as a student and she is just like you in her knowledge of trivia, facts and Bible knowledge. 

Joel can’t wait to go to Idaho again.  He loves your house and all the toys you always had for the kids.  It was such a blessing to not have to worry about our kids at your house and know they would have a lot to do.  At 7 he continues to be a bundle of energy and he has taken up golf this year.  I would love to take you to a lesson with me and we could laugh together at his antics.  It is pretty comical.  He was baptized this past year and I only hope you could watch from heaven as I know that would have been such a special day for you.  Thankfully, Dad/Grandpa got to be here for the occasion. 

Melody still thinks you are “sleeping.”  According to her you are not in heaven, but at home sleeping.  Melody makes me miss you the most.  The fact that she will never really remember you breaks my heart.  So, we try and tell her about you.  But, also, with a disability life is not easy.  You need all the people you can in your corner.  I wanted you to be here longer to be in her corner because you were a powerhouse, the kind of person she needs in her corner.  But, also because as I struggle with being a Mom and hurting for my child, I wish I had my Mom to support me. 

I can’t really tell you all that is going on in Tim and Steve’s lives, but I know that they are doing well.  Tim keeps busy with his business and his church involvements.  We look forward to seeing him in Oregon.  Steve’s family got to go to Germany this summer and Georgia  and Steve climbed a 14,000 ft. mountain for her 40^th birthday.  Of course the kids are as cute as ever and would make you so proud.  We’ve enjoyed their pictures and video this year and are making plans for a Coats family reunion next summer. 

Most of all, Mom, I just want to say that though you aren’t here with us anymore, your influence and all you taught us lives on.  There are so many reminders in our home and lives of you and all you taught us.  I am so thankful that you were my mother.  I will be forever blessed by that fact, even in your absence.

Until we meet again in Glory,

Your loving daughter, Sara