Learning to Rest

Today I watched two of our children try to drown themselves. The swim instructor and I both know that if they will relax and just lie still on their back, they will float. Or, if they will relax on the water and stroke slowly, they will go much farther than when they flail. It was physically painful for me to watch my children flounder, struggle and fight, when I know swimming doesn't need to be nearly so difficult.

Tonight I spent an hour in the car. Alone. God spoke to me. That is what I look like to Him. I struggle and fight and find myself drowning in the cares of life. My God knows that it will be much easier if I just rest and let Him handle them. It was a vivid picture to me. Why do I struggle so much against the things I cannot change? Why do I have such a hard time just letting God handle it? Why do I make life more difficult than it needs to be?

Rest. This is the message God keeps trying to get through to me. Just rest and let Me handle things. It is one thing to say it and another thing to actually do. How do you rest and trust while you handle the many demands of life? This is something God wants me to learn.

I am coming to the conclusion that God's rest is not necessarily a physical rest, though I wish it was. But, rather a mental and spiritual rest in the midst of the chaos and demands of life.

While God was bringing these thoughts to my mind, I had the radio on. The person on the radio read something from a devotional. I don't remember it verbatim, but it started with the word, "rest!" (Yes, God was definitely speaking.) The devotional was as if God was talking and saying something like, "You've had a hard week. Life is difficult. You need to not worry about tomorrow or the past, but look at Me right now." Perhaps that is the very definition of rest.

Resting in the arms of Jesus, is after all, the best place to be.

Matt. 11: 28-30
28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Thyroglossal Pain in the Neck

Hannah has a thyroglossal cyst in her neck. We first discovered it right around Melody's birth when it got infected and grew to an enormous size. With antibiotics, it mostly went away, though it could still be seen. We were told we could just watch it and unless it continued to get infected or we wanted it removed for cosmetic reasons we wouldn't need to do anything.

The past couple weeks I have noticed Hannah's cyst slowly turning brown, getting a little larger and almost looking bruised. Now it is red and looks inflamed. Today we saw the doctor and she will begin another round of antibiotics. We'll see the ENT again as soon as we can get a referral through. Thankfully, it is really not causing her much pain. She has complained of it itching a bit and hurting some when she swallows.

Pray that the antibiotics will clear the cyst up. Hannah is very worried about surgery, though it would be a relatively easy proceedure. She tends to internalize things and so we worry about her anyway and this is one more thing to stress her out. We hope to see the ENT very soon. If surgery is warranted, we hope to schedule it at the end of April or early May as my parents will be here and we'd have help.

A part of me hopes she doesn't need surgery now. I don't need one more thing to deal with. However, since August it has never completely gone away. Though she says it doesn't bother her, I suspect she'll want it removed someday for cosmetic reasons. If it were to be removed now, we wouldn't have to deal with possible repeat infections and a cosmetic surgery down the road.

Pray for wisdom in how to proceed and for a special dose of peace for Hannah.

. . . But I Love You More.

Melody Annalise Allen - 6 months

Today the kids and I took Melody for her 6 month pictures. Okay, we're about a month late, but we've been a little busy. Thankfully, it is Spring Break, so we have our time freed up a bit. We also took in a showing of the Chipmunks Squeakuel at the $2 theater and Melody generally enjoyed her first movie experience. Everyone else did.

Tuesday after swim lessons we took the time to stop by our house and mow lawns, pull a few weeds, get the mail, and generally make sure it is looking good. I found myself very emotional by the time we were leaving. First of all, our house looks gorgeous. All the new paint and carpet and counters and shower are beautiful. The weather was beautiful and the view was gorgeous. I really miss that.

Kevin said we didn't sit on the porch and enjoy it enough. However, I've realized that I enjoyed the view more than I ever knew. To be able to do dishes while enjoying the snow capped mountains was something I took for granted. Now I look at window blinds or the side of an RV. I am really an outside kind of person. I love yardwork and walks and being outside improves my outlook on life tremendously. The views from our house helped me to feel like I was outside, even when I couldn't be.

I walked around our house enjoying how nice it looks while holding our precious Melody. I hugged her tight and told her how much we love her. You see, no matter how much I love and miss our house, it will never mean more to me than my children. I told Melody how we were leaving all this behind for her and how she is worth it. Oh, I shed lots of tears. Doing what is right isn't always easy, but it is always worth it.

Then I walked into our girls former room and glanced at the windowsill. There sat one of the many "staging" items. But what caught my eye was the flowers now decorating it. I began crying again as I realized Elizabeth had picked flowers from the yard and brought them up to decorate her room. She didn't say anything to me, just did it. For a room she loves, but is learning to let go of. We can look back and be sad, or we can look forward with anticipation and excitement for the future. This is what I tell myself as I encourage my daughter.

The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of remodeling and moving. I've barely had time to think, much less process. Tuesday's visit to our house was a chance to begin to process and grieve leaving our house. We have loved that house and have lots of wonderful memories there that will always be with us. I love our house, but Melody, I love you more!

Melody Update

Check out my two teeth!

At 6 months old, here are some things I like to do:

- Eat rice cereal, squash, and peas. I even ate a whole jar of green beans for dinner tonight.

- Drink bottles, yum! I can even hold it myself and grab for it.

- Chew on anything I can get my hands on. Everything goes to my mouth. See?:

- "Talk" - I mostly make the "ah" sound.

- My pacifier! I take it out and chew on the side. More teeth must be coming.

- Laugh at my siblings, especially David.

- Go on walks in the stroller. I babble the whole time I'm so excited.

- Move my hands. They are going almost constantly. Check them out:

Pee Pee Day

Today I wondered, what makes someone become a Urologist? I mean, really, who decides to spend their life with pee and bladders. But, I am thankful for those knowledgeable doctors who made that strange choice.

Today Melody had a test called a Cystometrogram (CMG) which is a measurement of Bladder Pressure. The test itself went very well. Melody must not have very much sensation as the sensors and catheters didn't seem to bother her a bit.

The results were what we had been told to expect with spina bifida, especially with Melody's level of lesion. However, I must admit I was holding out hope that they would find nothing wrong with her bladder.

We will continue the intermittent catheterization program she has been on since birth. This will continue for life, barring a miracle or medical advancement. She will also begin to take a medication called Ditropan. Melody's bladder contracts much more frequently than normal. The medication will relax it, allowing it to contract less frequently. Her "pressure points" (the point as which she releases urine) are higher than they'd like. The medication should help address this issue. Instead of contracting often, it should contract less often and void more each time.

So, there is your urology lesson for the day. More than you ever wanted to know, probably!

On the Market and Medical Update

I'll have to confirm with Kevin, but I believe today our house went on the market. We think we may already even have an interested buyer. We are trusting God to provide an offer that we can accept. We still have some cleaning out to do in the garage and kids toys to clear out of the yard. Oh, and I should probably put the polyurethane final coat on the bathroom cabinets. But, other than that, I think we're finished. We are still settling in here, however. Each day is an adventure to find something, or declare it "in storage" and quit looking.

Tomorrow I take Melody for a bladder study. I am interested in what that will reveal about her level of bladder function. Also, as a result of her last hip ultrasound, her doctor thinks her hip is not dislocated, but rather "unstable." I'm not really sure that is any better. The current plan is for her to remain in the Pavlik Harness for 3 more weeks, and then have another ultrasound so they can compare the two. I was very encouraged that her hip no longer moved in and out as it did before we began with the harness.

Today we stayed home, and that was wonderful. We are slowly settling, trying to catch up on all the things that got put to the side while we moved, and keep the kids moving forward in their studies. It has been a chaotic few weeks to say the least. Joel and Melody have also been quite sick, so that hasn't helped. I have lots of pictures to post, but it is late. I did however, locate the camera and appropriate cords today, so I am a step closer for tomorrow.

Are We Done, Yet?

Some things seem endless, and this move is one of them. How I long to say we are "done." However, there is still more work to do. Monday the storage company will pick up the 5 storage containers on our driveway. We have to have all the items we hope to store for the next few month in there by then. Most of the furniture is here at our new home or in the containers already. We mostly have the garage to finish up and some furniture to give away. Tomorrow Kevin will go and finish packing the containers. Hopefully, he'll have a few friends to help. Monday I will meet several friends there to clean up the house. Most of the work it done and the painting was to be finished today. I need to do a couple more coats of varnish on the bathroom cabinets and some yard work, too. We still plan to list the house Thursday. So, by next weekend I'm hoping to say we are DONE. Of course, we're still unpacking, settling here, but we're getting there. So far the kids are adjusting great and not missing any of the things we packed or got rid of. I'm starting to think maybe there is a light at the end of this tunnel after all.