Learning to Rest

Today I watched two of our children try to drown themselves. The swim instructor and I both know that if they will relax and just lie still on their back, they will float. Or, if they will relax on the water and stroke slowly, they will go much farther than when they flail. It was physically painful for me to watch my children flounder, struggle and fight, when I know swimming doesn't need to be nearly so difficult.

Tonight I spent an hour in the car. Alone. God spoke to me. That is what I look like to Him. I struggle and fight and find myself drowning in the cares of life. My God knows that it will be much easier if I just rest and let Him handle them. It was a vivid picture to me. Why do I struggle so much against the things I cannot change? Why do I have such a hard time just letting God handle it? Why do I make life more difficult than it needs to be?

Rest. This is the message God keeps trying to get through to me. Just rest and let Me handle things. It is one thing to say it and another thing to actually do. How do you rest and trust while you handle the many demands of life? This is something God wants me to learn.

I am coming to the conclusion that God's rest is not necessarily a physical rest, though I wish it was. But, rather a mental and spiritual rest in the midst of the chaos and demands of life.

While God was bringing these thoughts to my mind, I had the radio on. The person on the radio read something from a devotional. I don't remember it verbatim, but it started with the word, "rest!" (Yes, God was definitely speaking.) The devotional was as if God was talking and saying something like, "You've had a hard week. Life is difficult. You need to not worry about tomorrow or the past, but look at Me right now." Perhaps that is the very definition of rest.

Resting in the arms of Jesus, is after all, the best place to be.

Matt. 11: 28-30
28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Thyroglossal Pain in the Neck

Hannah has a thyroglossal cyst in her neck. We first discovered it right around Melody's birth when it got infected and grew to an enormous size. With antibiotics, it mostly went away, though it could still be seen. We were told we could just watch it and unless it continued to get infected or we wanted it removed for cosmetic reasons we wouldn't need to do anything.

The past couple weeks I have noticed Hannah's cyst slowly turning brown, getting a little larger and almost looking bruised. Now it is red and looks inflamed. Today we saw the doctor and she will begin another round of antibiotics. We'll see the ENT again as soon as we can get a referral through. Thankfully, it is really not causing her much pain. She has complained of it itching a bit and hurting some when she swallows.

Pray that the antibiotics will clear the cyst up. Hannah is very worried about surgery, though it would be a relatively easy proceedure. She tends to internalize things and so we worry about her anyway and this is one more thing to stress her out. We hope to see the ENT very soon. If surgery is warranted, we hope to schedule it at the end of April or early May as my parents will be here and we'd have help.

A part of me hopes she doesn't need surgery now. I don't need one more thing to deal with. However, since August it has never completely gone away. Though she says it doesn't bother her, I suspect she'll want it removed someday for cosmetic reasons. If it were to be removed now, we wouldn't have to deal with possible repeat infections and a cosmetic surgery down the road.

Pray for wisdom in how to proceed and for a special dose of peace for Hannah.

. . . But I Love You More.

Melody Annalise Allen - 6 months

Today the kids and I took Melody for her 6 month pictures. Okay, we're about a month late, but we've been a little busy. Thankfully, it is Spring Break, so we have our time freed up a bit. We also took in a showing of the Chipmunks Squeakuel at the $2 theater and Melody generally enjoyed her first movie experience. Everyone else did.

Tuesday after swim lessons we took the time to stop by our house and mow lawns, pull a few weeds, get the mail, and generally make sure it is looking good. I found myself very emotional by the time we were leaving. First of all, our house looks gorgeous. All the new paint and carpet and counters and shower are beautiful. The weather was beautiful and the view was gorgeous. I really miss that.

Kevin said we didn't sit on the porch and enjoy it enough. However, I've realized that I enjoyed the view more than I ever knew. To be able to do dishes while enjoying the snow capped mountains was something I took for granted. Now I look at window blinds or the side of an RV. I am really an outside kind of person. I love yardwork and walks and being outside improves my outlook on life tremendously. The views from our house helped me to feel like I was outside, even when I couldn't be.

I walked around our house enjoying how nice it looks while holding our precious Melody. I hugged her tight and told her how much we love her. You see, no matter how much I love and miss our house, it will never mean more to me than my children. I told Melody how we were leaving all this behind for her and how she is worth it. Oh, I shed lots of tears. Doing what is right isn't always easy, but it is always worth it.

Then I walked into our girls former room and glanced at the windowsill. There sat one of the many "staging" items. But what caught my eye was the flowers now decorating it. I began crying again as I realized Elizabeth had picked flowers from the yard and brought them up to decorate her room. She didn't say anything to me, just did it. For a room she loves, but is learning to let go of. We can look back and be sad, or we can look forward with anticipation and excitement for the future. This is what I tell myself as I encourage my daughter.

The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of remodeling and moving. I've barely had time to think, much less process. Tuesday's visit to our house was a chance to begin to process and grieve leaving our house. We have loved that house and have lots of wonderful memories there that will always be with us. I love our house, but Melody, I love you more!