6 Months of Silence

Silence

I've often noticed that when there is silence in a friendship, it means someone is hurting.  Something stressful is occurring in their life. 

The same is true in mine.  When things are going well and I'm feeling positive, I call people, reach out, make arrangements to get together, etc.

But, when I'm hurting or struggling with something, the opposite occurs.  I'm silent.  You don't hear from me. 

I've often pondered on the comment, "call me if you need anything."  The reality is, when I need something the most, that is when I will not call.  I cannot call.  That is when a call from a caring friend or friend who does some act of encouragement without needing to ask what you need, mean so much. 

6 months have passed since my Mom went to be with Jesus.  I've thought about blogging over those months, but what do I say?  How do I even begin to put feelings of grief and loss into words?  How do I begin to describe what life feels like without my Mom here? 

Silence isn't necessarily bad, it is a time for us to grieve and process.  A time to think things over.

It is also a reminder, that when we haven't heard from or seen someone, perhaps we should make the extra effort to reach out.  Chances are they need a call, a word of encouragement and a prayer. 

Who has been "silent" in your life lately?  Reach out to them today.  They still may not be able to express all that is going on, but a caring friend reaching through the silence to say, "I care," is always welcome. 

Proverbs 17:17 "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity."

You Get What You Get . . .

and you don't throw a fit!"

We say this to our kids when they want the purple cup, or the biggest cookie, or flavor of juice.  We tell them to be thankful and content.  These really are the very small things in life and we get frustrated when kids make a major deal out of them.

However, I've been pondering lately how we really act like children so much ourselves.  How often do we take the things that God allows in our lives thankfulness and contentment?  Do we really take what we get and not throw a fit?

How often does God, our Father, hear us throwing a fit?  

I listen to adults, I listen to myself.  I find we are often "throwing a fit" ourselves.  Oh, it may not include tears and the flailing of arms and legs, but it is a fit nonetheless.  We complain about so many things we can't control. 

I know I find myself "throwing a fit" sometimes aloud, but more often in my mind and prayers.  Complaining about what I did or didn't get and generally giving in to the poor me attitude. 

Don't get me wrong, there is a place for justice, a place for righting a wrong, a place for standing up for yourself.  I'm talking about the things we can't change.  The things that just happen.  The trials that are just a part of life. 

I think the real lessons of life are often very simple.  They are the ones we teach our children.  They are also the ones that take a lifetime to learn.  I'm working on this one along with my kids.

1 Thessalonians 5:18, "give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus."

Thinking About Jesus More than Myself

Two weeks ago during our evening family worship time,  Joel made the decision to follow Jesus.  For as long as Joel has been able to express his thoughts, his spiritual insight has been pretty profound.  Up until now, he has always said he wasn't ready to committ to following Jesus.  We tried not to pressure him, and his reasoning was pretty clear, I'm not ready, yet.  I will when I'm ready. 

We were discussing milestones from previous years and recording what God has done in our family in the last couple of years.  As we re-read these milestones we discussed when the other children made this important decision.  Joel said, well, how about I do that tonight. 

We asked him what that means and he said, "It means thinking more about Jesus than about myself."  I thought that was pretty profound.  Thinking about what Jesus wants instead of what I want.  Following Jesus' way instead of my own.  I think he has a pretty good idea of what it means to follow Jesus. 

A little while later he offered insight into why he hesitated to make that committment before.  He said, "Mom, when I first wake up, I'll probably think about me, but then I'll think about Jesus."  I realized in that moment that Joel had a lot more insight than I thought.  See, he knows how hard it is to focus on Jesus.  How easy it is to think about ourselves and do things our way. 

Joel's next question was, "Can we do that community thing?"  We laughed and then had communion as a family with bread and Capri Sun juice, which was the only juice we had on hand.  We celebrated with ice cream a few days later. 

We know that following Jesus is not a one time event, but a series of decisions over the course of a lifetime, but we are grateful that Joel has made the decision to start.  What an incredible blessing to see our children walk in the ways of the Lord.  It is our prayer that their committments will last a lifetime.

Perspective

Life is really all about perspective and attitude.  Each day I could find a lot of things to complain about, and to be honest, I often do.  There are lots of things to feel angry, sad or a sense of unfairness about.  Life really isn't fair, you know.  We don't get to choose everything about our life and all that we want it to include.  We just have to deal with the life we've been given and know that God has given us what He deems best. 

Choosing to have the right perspective and attitude is a daily choice.  Actually, a moment by moment choice.  Sometimes I get overwhelmed with the needs of my children.  5 children have a lot of needs and when you add spina bifida challenges, it can feel overwhelming at any given moment.  I have an amazing husband and helpmate, but sometimes the needs of our household can overwhelm both of us. 

What helps me keep perspective is the alternative.  I can't imagine life without any of our precious children.  The only alternative to having to deal with their needs, is not having them at all.  That thought stops me in my complaining tracks.  I know some parents who are getting through life without one of their children here anymore, and they'd give anything to have them here again.  Honestly, having a "chronically ill" child does make you realize it is not a given that you are going to outlive your children.   

Each of our children and their unique personalities, qualities and challenges has changed me, touched me, and blessed me and I am honored to be their Mom.  Without them I would not be the person I am today.  My life would not be as rich.  Is it such a joy to know them and raise them and love them.  They are talented, smart, funny, creative, thoughtful, helpful and a whole lot more. 

Since our thoughts and attitudes are so important, we are memorizing Phil 4:8 as a family.  I think maybe I need it more than anyone.  What will I choose to think about and focus on today?  It really does make all the difference. 

Phil. 4:8 - "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."

Our God is Able

Lately I have beeen meditating frequently on several verses in Daniel. I was reading a blog of another Mom who recently discovered she is pregnant with a baby with spina bifida. I was challenged by her thoughts from Daniel.

I've heard the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego my whole life. You know, the guys who were thrown into the fiery furnace and survived. But, recently their words right before they were thrown in the furnace have stuck with me.

In Daniel 3 Nebuchadnezzar is furious that they won't bow to his statue. He says to them, you realize if you do not worship the idol I have set up that you will be thrown into the fiery furnace. He follows that statement with a question that I'm sure was meant to be rhetorical. "Then what God will be able to save you from my hand?"

However, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego are bold enough to answer that question. They know THE God that can save them from the angry, arrogant King. Their response is what challenges me. Daniel 3:17-18 records their response, "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and He will rescue us from your hand, O King. But, even if he does not, we want you to know, O King, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."

It is the "but..." that follows that I contemplate. Yes, my God it able. My God is able to heal Melody from spina bifida and the physical challenges she faces. But, even if He has not, even if He does not. I will still serve Him. Before Melody's birth we prayed for healing. We hoped the doctors were wrong, despite excellent medical care. I know there was a certain knot in my stomach feeling when I saw her spinal lesion for the first time and realized it was really real and God wasn't choosing to heal it. Yes, my God is able to heal, but so far he hasn't chosen to heal her completely.

It is easy to serve God when things turn out the way they I want. Yet, will I serve Him when I don't understand why? Will I serve him "even if He does not?" I believe the three men in Daniel were willing to serve God either way. That is called faith. Will I trust that God has a plan for Melody's life and my life that includes spina bifida? Will I choose to believe that she is "fearfully and wonderfully made" even if she doesn't meet the world's standard of physical perfection?

The God I serve is able. But, even if He does not, yet will I serve him.

Learning to Rest

Today I watched two of our children try to drown themselves. The swim instructor and I both know that if they will relax and just lie still on their back, they will float. Or, if they will relax on the water and stroke slowly, they will go much farther than when they flail. It was physically painful for me to watch my children flounder, struggle and fight, when I know swimming doesn't need to be nearly so difficult.

Tonight I spent an hour in the car. Alone. God spoke to me. That is what I look like to Him. I struggle and fight and find myself drowning in the cares of life. My God knows that it will be much easier if I just rest and let Him handle them. It was a vivid picture to me. Why do I struggle so much against the things I cannot change? Why do I have such a hard time just letting God handle it? Why do I make life more difficult than it needs to be?

Rest. This is the message God keeps trying to get through to me. Just rest and let Me handle things. It is one thing to say it and another thing to actually do. How do you rest and trust while you handle the many demands of life? This is something God wants me to learn.

I am coming to the conclusion that God's rest is not necessarily a physical rest, though I wish it was. But, rather a mental and spiritual rest in the midst of the chaos and demands of life.

While God was bringing these thoughts to my mind, I had the radio on. The person on the radio read something from a devotional. I don't remember it verbatim, but it started with the word, "rest!" (Yes, God was definitely speaking.) The devotional was as if God was talking and saying something like, "You've had a hard week. Life is difficult. You need to not worry about tomorrow or the past, but look at Me right now." Perhaps that is the very definition of rest.

Resting in the arms of Jesus, is after all, the best place to be.

Matt. 11: 28-30
28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."