Whatever Happened to Compassion?

Whatever Happened to Compassion?

Compassion. Defined as “sympathetic consciousness of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it” in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary.  What happened to it?  Often I feel like compassion is missing from our society. 

This month Disneyland changed their disabled guest access policies due to rampant abuse of their Guest Assistance Cards (GAC).  If you’ve been there recently, you’ve probably observed abuse of these passes.  The abuse had reached epic proportions prompting Disney to change its policies. It is a real blow for people with disabilities, and the really dishearting part is that Disney was ever given a reason to change their policies.

What happened to cause so many people to believe it was okay for them to cheat the system?  That they, too, were entitled to a GAC?  I believe one reason is an overall lack of compassion and a presence of selfishness.  Instead of other guests seeing a person using a GAC and being grateful that Disney was offering assistance to someone in need, other guests felt jealous. 

Other guests watched those with GAC passes “go to the front of the line” and “not have to wait” and felt this was unfair. And of course, life MUST be fair.  I only have to have compassion and kindness when life is fair.  If you missed the memo, life isn’t fair.  Ever.  When did our society start seeing disabled access as a “privilege” to be gained?  When did being first become more important than compassion? 

Let’s assume for a minute that the GAC really DO give special treatment to people with disabilities (which for the most part is completely untrue, but that is another entire topic), would that really be so bad?  Would it really be so awful for there to be ONE place on earth where having a disability gave you a bit of an edge?  Would it be so hard to celebrate a company that chose to have compassion and mercy toward those who struggle every day? 

If we really had a sense of compassion as a society, we would see another struggling and we would happily allow them to go first or anything else that would alleviate their distress.  However, I think our society lacks a consciousness of others’ distresses as well as a lack of compassion when they are made aware of them.  Get over it seems to be the prevailing attitude. 

When did we become so uncompassionate and selfish as a society?  What are we going to do about it? 

A New Perspective on that Disneyland Magic

Disneyland.  The theme park of all theme parks.  Beloved by many.  I’ve always loved Disneyland.  There is just something about it.  But, when Melody was born, Disneyland became even more appreciated.  I gained a completely new perspective into what they call their "Magic."

I’ve been pondering a lot since the hoopla about Disneyland changing its procedures this month for people with disabilities.  I’ve stayed out of the fray for many reasons.  However, I had to share a bit from my perspective, and mine alone.  I can’t speak for someone who is disabled, or for those who have “unseen” disabilities.  I can only speak as the mother of a child with spina bifida who has mobility issues and usually uses a wheelchair, especially at a place like Disneyland. 

We have not been to Disneyland in awhile, and when we were we used the GAC (Guest Assistance Card) which allowed Melody's stroller to be viewed as a wheelchair.  This was such a blessing as it allowed us to take it INTO the lines with us.  (not to the front of every line as many mistakenly believe) So, admittedly, my perspective is a couple years old.

So, here are some of my thoughts.  But, as this is such a complicated issues with a myriad of implications, this blog will soon be followed by the “Whatever Happened to Compassion,” “Life is Not Fair” and the “Prizes and Privileges?”  blogs. 

Things that made Disneyland “Magic” for our family and our child with disabilities:

-          Complete access to their park.  There are very few things you cannot do at Disneyland regardless of abilities. 

-          It is the ONLY place I can say this about and I’ve been to many theme parks, small amusement parks, fairs, etc.  Disneyland is the best.  The others are ADA compliant, I am sure.  But, you can comply with ADA regulations and not really be friendly to people with disabilities.

-          Their “cast” is well-educated about all their accommodations and how to meet needs.  I’ve never seen the “deer in the headlight” look when I approach or the ignorance when I ask questions that I’ve encountered almost everywhere else. 

-          Their facilities provide everything I’ve ever needed to care for my child’s medical needs.  They are clean and staffed with friendly cast members.

-          They not only accommodate the person with a disability, but they allow the whole FAMILY to be together.  This is a precious gift.  You have NO idea. 

-          Provides a day where you get to feel kind of “normal.”  Where you don’t feel like you are always trying to figure out a way or explain things to people.  Disney has gone ahead and figured it out and made a way before you even get there.  You don’t know how welcome this is until you’ve stayed up nights before attending a new location and worrying about how it will work for your child.

-          In my opinion, Disney doesn’t HAVE to go out of their way to accommodate. Yes, they have to be ADA compliant, but that is it.  But, they do it anyway!  What a blessing to experience a company that goes out of their way to provide for people with disabilities. 

-          It is a breath of fresh air to be at a place that doesn’t just have a “just deal with it” mentality.

-          Let’s assume for a minute that the GAC (guest assistance card) is a privilege and a cut to the front of the line pass.  (which neither are true, but that is a whole essay in itself) Would it be wrong for there to be ONE PLACE ON EARTH where having a disability actually tipped the scales in your favor for a bit? 

And those are some reasons why I’m sad Disney is changing their policies.  I am hopeful that the new procedures will be equally friendly, but I’m concerned that they will not curb the systemic abuses.  And until that happens, I know who will get the short end of the stick in this equation.  It will remain to be seen the next time we return whether that "magic" is there anymore. 

Dear Mom, On Your First Birthday in Heaven

Mom's Happy Birthday,WHEE!

Mom's birthday at her last Fields family reunion 2011
I love it because it shows Mom's true zest for life!
She loved having family reunion on her birthday. 



7/31/2013

Dear Mom,

Today you will be celebrating your first birthday in heaven.  I wonder if birthdays are celebrated there, but if they are, I bet it will be one amazing party and huge cake. 

It was almost one year ago you made the journey from here to heaven.  You had so many questions in your final days about what that would be like.  I wish I could talk to you and hear you describe what it was like when those “Pearly Gates” opened for you.  But, I imagine.  I imagine the joy and celebration when you first saw your precious Jesus face to face.  I imagine the reunion you had with your parents after all these years.  And I imagine you sitting and kneeling and rising without pain.  When I think about how wonderful it must be for you, I can’t justify wishing you back here.   

But, I do.  I miss you so much.  I have a phone message from you saved on my phone just so I can hear your voice.  I cry often when I think of all that we’re missing without you here.  Sometimes it is hard to breathe because I miss you so much. 

It is hard to believe it has already been a year.  A part of me wants to slow time so there are fewer days and memories without you here.  Then, another part of me wants time to move quickly until the day we are reunited again. 

Speaking of reunions, tomorrow we leave to drive to Oregon for the Fields family reunion.  Dad, Tim, and our family will all be there.  It was one of your favorite things and I know it is going to be so hard not having you there.  But, I know you’d want us to be there passing on our heritage of faith to the next generation.  And being with family is always a blessing, but this year is going to be a hard one for me. 

One of your greatest concerns when you were diagnosed with cancer was whether we would be okay.  Even at the very end of your life I remember you asking how we would get along after you were gone.  You were always worried about us. 

I just have to say, Mom, we are doing okay.  God never promised that we wouldn’t walk through the “valley of the shadow of death,” but He did promise that He would be with us.  And He has.  He has been our strength and the one we lean on.  We have each other, too. 

You’d be so proud of Dad.  Despite the fact that he missed you immensely, He has stayed busy and involved in life and found so many ways to serve the Lord.  In fact, I have a hard time catching him at home sometimes and he is so busy he says, “call me on my cell phone.”  That makes me smile.  He has visited all of us kids, helped with AWANA, attended Bible study, built cabins at Shiloh Bible camp, worked in camp kitchens twice, fenced the property and attended numerous community events.  Of course, the body of Christ at Cambridge Bible Church take good care of him and have him over often.  Oh, and he is going through a lot of your stuff, too, though I suspect that might not make you as happy.  As you knew he would be, he is such a great example of faithfulness, peace and trust despite the circumstances of life. 

Your grandchildren are one of the things that make me miss you most.  They miss out on so much by not having you here.  Oh, but you’d be so proud of them and be bragging and showing all their pictures and videos to as many as you could. 

David is now 15 and just finished his first year of high school.  He did very well academically, but we are especially proud of the decisions he has made and the maturity he has shown.  He is a pretty awesome young man. 

Elizabeth is about to turn 13.   It has been a hard year for her and I as I grieve the loss of my mother and she fights for independence from hers.  But, we are getting through it and it has been a blessing to see all the growth in her this year.  She continues to be amazing with Melody and making meals in our home.  She is a top student, too.   She had a couple music solos at school and I know you would have loved to hear her sing.  She just finished a musical theater production and loved it so much she wants to do more. 

You never got to hear Hannah play the violin, which she has taken by storm and excelled at this year.  I think of your choice of a violin solo for your memorial service and I know you would have loved to hear her play.  Hannah finished 5^th grade this year and continues to excel as a student and she is just like you in her knowledge of trivia, facts and Bible knowledge. 

Joel can’t wait to go to Idaho again.  He loves your house and all the toys you always had for the kids.  It was such a blessing to not have to worry about our kids at your house and know they would have a lot to do.  At 7 he continues to be a bundle of energy and he has taken up golf this year.  I would love to take you to a lesson with me and we could laugh together at his antics.  It is pretty comical.  He was baptized this past year and I only hope you could watch from heaven as I know that would have been such a special day for you.  Thankfully, Dad/Grandpa got to be here for the occasion. 

Melody still thinks you are “sleeping.”  According to her you are not in heaven, but at home sleeping.  Melody makes me miss you the most.  The fact that she will never really remember you breaks my heart.  So, we try and tell her about you.  But, also, with a disability life is not easy.  You need all the people you can in your corner.  I wanted you to be here longer to be in her corner because you were a powerhouse, the kind of person she needs in her corner.  But, also because as I struggle with being a Mom and hurting for my child, I wish I had my Mom to support me. 

I can’t really tell you all that is going on in Tim and Steve’s lives, but I know that they are doing well.  Tim keeps busy with his business and his church involvements.  We look forward to seeing him in Oregon.  Steve’s family got to go to Germany this summer and Georgia  and Steve climbed a 14,000 ft. mountain for her 40^th birthday.  Of course the kids are as cute as ever and would make you so proud.  We’ve enjoyed their pictures and video this year and are making plans for a Coats family reunion next summer. 

Most of all, Mom, I just want to say that though you aren’t here with us anymore, your influence and all you taught us lives on.  There are so many reminders in our home and lives of you and all you taught us.  I am so thankful that you were my mother.  I will be forever blessed by that fact, even in your absence.

Until we meet again in Glory,

Your loving daughter, Sara

 

Keep on Dancing

 

Melody has been working hard for this day. 

 

 

Melody walked and danced around the house for over 2 hours a couple days ago!  It was her first time of going solo.  She's been practicing for awhile, but has been reluctant to walk without one of us holding her.  No more.  She's off to the races.

 

I can't even tell you how happy this makes me!  Independence is a beautiful thing.

Living Simply

This week I took several walks with Melody.  Slow walks.  REALLY slow walks.  We barely made it from the house. But, that is her speed in her braces and equipment.  I know she’ll get faster, but she’ll always move slowly.  We saw every car that went by, every bird, every flower, and every plant.  We listened to the noise our feet made on the sidewalk, rocks and metal drain covers.  We talked and laughed and didn’t accomplish a thing on my to-do list.  How often do I live this simply?  Savor each little moment?  Not often enough.

Yesterday I took a few kids to the park and while we were playing tennis, we noticed a baseball game going on.  It soon brought tears to my eyes when I saw players in wheelchairs and began to notice other players with special needs.  Each one had a helper with them.  Every play was slower, every accomplishment was celebrated, and I never saw anyone called out.  It was slower, simpler.  I never heard or saw a parent screaming at their kid.  I saw a TON of encouragement.  The umpires were cheered and encouraged as they encouraged the players.

Simplicity seems to be a buzz word lately.  We all wonder how we could simplify our lives.  Yet, what are the things that make us slow down?  Savor more.  Rush less?  Often it is when we are FORCED to move slower and savor more.  When a tragedy causes us to consider life more sacredly.

I’m convinced that God made special people with special gifts for just this reason.  To slow us down and help us see life from a different perspective.  Anyone who knows such a special person will tell you how that person has influenced their life and allowed them to see things from a different perspective.

This is one of the many reasons the astronomically high abortion rates of children with birth “defects” horrifies me.  What we have labeled a defect is the exact thing we spend our lives searching for.  We wonder why we can’t live simply, but we have devalued those that do.  Those that can help us learn to enjoy living more slowly, simply. 

Perhaps the ones who are living, REALLY LIVING, are the ones our society has said have lives that aren’t worth living. 

Maybe those who live simply aren't so simple after all.  Maybe the reason God made them isn't so simple after all.  It might just be one of the most complex reasons of all. 

Wiggling Toes

I knew today would come. 

A day I dreaded.  Something I knew would bring tears to my eyes. 

Today Melody realized she was made a little different and there are things she can and cannot do.  No matter how hard she tries.

Today Melody discovered her sister can wiggle her toes, and that she can't. 

It made her mad!  She wants us to help her wiggle those toes. 

And so we will.  We'll wiggle those toes for her as often as we can.

And we'll talk about what she can and cannot do and what WE can and cannot do. 

For, no matter how hard we try, there are just some things we can't do. 

We can focus on what we can't do, or we can focus on what we CAN do. 

And, we can wiggle someone else's toes and bring joy to each of our lives in the process.

So, go find someone whose toes need a little help wiggling, and do it!

6 Months of Silence

Silence

I've often noticed that when there is silence in a friendship, it means someone is hurting.  Something stressful is occurring in their life. 

The same is true in mine.  When things are going well and I'm feeling positive, I call people, reach out, make arrangements to get together, etc.

But, when I'm hurting or struggling with something, the opposite occurs.  I'm silent.  You don't hear from me. 

I've often pondered on the comment, "call me if you need anything."  The reality is, when I need something the most, that is when I will not call.  I cannot call.  That is when a call from a caring friend or friend who does some act of encouragement without needing to ask what you need, mean so much. 

6 months have passed since my Mom went to be with Jesus.  I've thought about blogging over those months, but what do I say?  How do I even begin to put feelings of grief and loss into words?  How do I begin to describe what life feels like without my Mom here? 

Silence isn't necessarily bad, it is a time for us to grieve and process.  A time to think things over.

It is also a reminder, that when we haven't heard from or seen someone, perhaps we should make the extra effort to reach out.  Chances are they need a call, a word of encouragement and a prayer. 

Who has been "silent" in your life lately?  Reach out to them today.  They still may not be able to express all that is going on, but a caring friend reaching through the silence to say, "I care," is always welcome. 

Proverbs 17:17 "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity."